Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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