she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
