Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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