do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I understand Curling. That high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
