U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
