I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
