Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
