How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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