dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
