My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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