I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
