I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
