Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
