I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
false alarm. still invincible.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
