I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
