Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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