I'm so fucking centered right now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
