I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
