Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
