Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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