Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
COCAINE IS GR8
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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