Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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