Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
