I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
