I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
