I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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