im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
