My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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