Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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