Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
