I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
