I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
