Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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