im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
