You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
