I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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