I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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