I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
