you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we should paint friendship bongs
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