I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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