You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
