gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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