i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
