I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
