this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
