Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize