If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
