So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
