I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize