I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
