Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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