We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
