my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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