I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
