Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
