I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
