I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
don't judge my taste in strippers
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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