my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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