You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize