Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
