we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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