I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
