did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
