I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
