There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How's work?
Spinning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
