I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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