you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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