new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
