I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
