We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
