Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
