didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize